Why 'The Wrong Person' Might Actually Be Perfect for You

The right lessons, the right time: Every relationship serves a purpose

Stephanie Peers

Feb 27, 2025

I saw a post a while back that started with the words:

“Being with the wrong person will highlight all of your bad traits”

Immediately, something about those introductory words felt off.

Is that a bad thing? Why are we running from those bad traits instead of learning from them and transforming them?

I am responsible for how I feel. No one else can make me feel anything. They can inflict pain - but I decide how I will react to it and how I will allow it to affect me in the moment, and in the future.

Here’s the post for full context:

Many of these ‘bad traits’ that are mentioned are in fact the very things holding us back from achieving the things we want in our life.

How would we ever know this about ourselves if we didn’t have someone to reflect it back to us? To help us see it?

I made a note on Substack a while back about this and I decided to dive deeper into it with this post. I will use some of my personal experience and reflection as a married woman for 12 years, and a spiritual leader and teacher for the past 6 years.

I can’t even count the number of times I wanted to throw in the towel in my marriage (sorry husband), but for real… we’ve all likely experienced moments where we questioned our choices.

I also didn’t know for the first 40 years of my life that I was living my life with many of these “bad traits” because I ignored them. And if there is anyone built for the role of bringing out all your triggers so you can see them… it’s the person you’ve chosen to be in a committed relationship with.

If it wasn’t for all of the relationships I’ve had in my life, I wouldn’t understand what I am explaining right now.

But when I look back at all the other relationships I’ve had, including friendships that have come and gone, I can clearly see a theme.

You start to put pieces together, over time.

These themes we uncover, are our beliefs. The beliefs that trigger all those ‘bad traits’ mentioned in the image above. Those beliefs are exactly the parts of us that are calling out to be healed and transformed.

By transforming these beliefs, we evolve, spiritually.

A relationship is the perfect, and in fact, the only way we can notice our triggers and transform them. The other partner in a relationship is there to be your mirror. They reflect back to you these darker areas we avoid looking at within us.

Creation Doesn’t Make Mistakes

I don’t believe that there is actually such a thing as the ‘wrong person for you’ because I truly don’t believe that God, Source, the Creator makes mistakes.

This boils down to: “How much do we trust ourselves?”

What we are tolerating and not transforming in our life directly reflects our level of trust in ourselves, and ultimately, in the Creator.

I believe that just because someone makes you feel jealous or sad, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are the wrong person for you. It means you are with the best person to reveal your wounds. The parts of you that need to heal. And yes, that can be excruciating and painful. But the breakthrough is earth shattering.

It means that you are with someone who will guide you to look within yourself for all the answers you thought were outside of you.

They will force you to face the uncomfortable truths you’ve been avoiding.

A relationship isn’t meant to always be comfortable and perfect. A relationship without arguments is actually not healthy. A relationship is supposed to take you to the edges of growth.

And some relationships are not meant to last forever. We get attached to the ‘comfort’ of a relationship, even if it’s not healthy for us.

A Relationship is a Portal to Your Divine Self

It’s believed in some philosophies that we cannot realize the full potential of our divinity without a relationship. Like the trinity. You + Other Soul + God = Union:

We get to God through the other person who is a mirror for us to earn and reach ‘UNION’

It DOESN’T mean we stay with the ‘wrong’ person until we die.

It means we learn from them and transform.

No one knows what that transformation will look like, but no matter what, if you’ve done the inner work, it will be beautiful.

Instead of assuming this person is the wrong person… what if they were perfectly right for you and your spiritual evolution?

What if you transformed your spiritual baggage? How would that person either fade from your life or transform with you?

We meet the people in our lives for a reason and it’s always for us. To realize who we are, what we’re avoiding, what we’re afraid of and how we can be better.

This is your spiritual work. We cannot do our spiritual work in the world without relationships.

A Word on Conflict in Relationships

There’s a difference between destructive abuse and constructive conflict. Most often, when we get all hot and bothered, it’s because of constructive conflict that hurts our feelings.

Conflict turns into a full-blown war between the two partners. This is where we tend to say: “You’re not making me feel good, I give up.”

But what if that means you’re giving up on yourself?

If we’re always butt hurt because someone brings out the worst in us, how are we supposed to grow and evolve? In those moments, we are literally rejecting the opportunity to get closer to the divine.

Conflict is a call to get closer to God. It’s your opportunity to handle it differently than you did last week. Not to react and instead, pause, perhaps.

My husband and I wouldn’t have made it past 2 years if I decided to give up every time he made me angry. But I’m glad I stuck with him because he helped me in ways he will never understand.

My relationship has helped me grow.

**NOTE: In no way am I condoning abuse, physically and mentally, or violent behaviour. I am advocating for growth, empowerment, and personal responsibility in any painful circumstance we might be faced with. Removing victimhood and replacing it with empowerment**

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