As someone with ADHD, and a daughter with ADHD I think we need to find a happy medium. ADHD for me is a condition. It’s a condition that led to my lights being shut off in my 20s because I would write the checks but forget for months to put them in the mailbox. (I’m obviously dating myself) Always telling myself I would do it when I left the house the next morning.
I have a condition where I need a 3 hour nap after opening Christmas gifts because of all the noise and chaos. Most Christmases I cry because I am so overwhelmed.
Yes, I see the world in a magical way a lot of my peers never did. And I tell my daughter not to let anything dull that same sparkle in her. Yes, there are areas we excel in that won’t be measured in a standardized test.
But for some of, ADHD is a real disability that has caused massive issues in our lives before diagnosis. Our ability to ask ourselves “is this normal or part of my condition?” Makes a huge difference knowing when we ask for help, what aides we need for functions in society that aren’t a negotiable, (like remembering to pay bills and rent) and when the mania of a new project or idea isn’t healthy. (When I haven’t slept or eaten for days because I’m so hyper focused on something)
We also need to recognize that.
There are so many plus sides to having ADHD and parts I wouldn’t want to change for the world. But I also have a condition, and it needs to be looked at as such sometimes.
I agree with you in that it’s a condition when we don’t have the right supports in place or environment supporting us. I do feel that society is too quick to diagnose children with ADHD without first understanding or providing those supports or environment.
I also agree that society has almost no understanding and is too quick. And because they lack understanding the supports can be so hard to get sometimes.
This really nails it for me. As a serious ADHDer with an autistic husband and kid, yes it’s definitely a condition in some sense. And yes maybe it would be less of a condition if we lived in a different time and different society but we don’t. And yes it has amazing sides too, I would never have the drive and patience to make the illustrations I make without ADHD hyperfocus. But it’s still an issue when I have to argue with myself in order to take a shower.
I think ADHD (and autism) are simply how certain people are wired (including me). There is nothing wrong, we just need to do things differently compared to what society expects or conditions us to do. We were never designed to sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day.
It all comes down to us finding what our specific genius is in this world. We all have a genius within us. When we operate from our genius then everything is as it is meant to be.
We just have to find what works for us. Find ways around what triggers us. Noise for example.
Unfortunately, our school system doesn’t cater for different. Either comply and be the same as everyone else or you’re a problem. It’s been this way for many years.. only recently have people become more aware of ADHD but it’s always been there.
Oh wow, I couldn't agree more! What helps us ADHDers to focus? Exercise, spending time in nature, massage (I am somewhat convinced we are just meant to be touchy-feely lol) etc. And what are we good at? Problem-solving and high-adrenaline situations. So basically: we are NOT made to sit in an office all day, isolated, doing work a robot could do. That is not weird. That is healthy.
Thank you for your input! I think this is a really important subject and the pressure is becoming greater in my life personally to advocate harder for my kids and speak out more about this, from an earthly and spiritual perspective. 🙏💗
I couldn’t agree more. My son is autistic. When he was in school I literally got on to them all the time. In the public school system they think every child is the same and that’s how they handle things. I had to tell them ideas on how he learns the best( with headphones to drown out the other kids that distracted him) I told them he needed to do his work on the computer not writing (took too long his words) They dont look at kids like individuals and tailoring learning to what they need. They would rather get them to pop a pill. The public school system really doesn’t do a good job with those who need help in whatever way. My son flaps his hands when he is excited. Instead of knowing why he does this I learned they told him to sit on his hands and not to do it. I learned they put a weighted vest on him for absolutely no reason. He hated it..I continually had to ask for things like during lunch he wouldnt eat because it was too loud so I said let him eat in the room with the teacher. They were with my child for how many hrs and they couldnt figure this stuff out. The public school system is just not understanding or knowledgeable with children who need certain things
So true. Our children are not made for this messed up world. They are free spirits here to humanifest new earth. Don´t let anyone ever diagnose you or your son.
The system is the wrong context for a child to grow up in, the behavior is simply nature way of self-correcting systems that aren´t working for the child.
The schools suggest medication before there is even a diagnosis. I will not unless there is a clear need for something. I'm Audhd, I managed without medication, but did try it briefly (concerta, all but the max dose knocked me out; I still hyperfocused, just longer, I was more paranoid and aggro). I am pretty sensitive to everything else (everything knocks me out, I don't even drink). I worked with a former therapist in tech. A coworker was seeking advice for her kids. He told me if people understood how those medications made kids feel they would never put them on them. I listened. Legal meth for kids is not the answer. Learning how to teach and relate to the children who exist and are wired differently instead of demanding they comply to some "norm" that will only churn out factory workers (15 minute lunches in our district, no music program down most of the Washington State I-5 corridor, but we have one). Teaching for standardized testing. This is boring for "high functioning" kiddos who's minds and passions develop faster than their ability to regulate their bodies.
We experiment with creativity (music, drawing), nature (hikes, beach, mountains) and sleep, and diet (more whole foods, less processed). I'm open to experimenting with natural solutions (caffeine, yerba mate) or CBD if something is needed. In IEP meetings, I will translate how some things feel (crying physically hurting, anxiety freeze response, rejection dysmorphia, communication); because it seems like words on pages that don't mean anything to school administrators (not the specialist staff, they get it).
They didn’t say medication but I knew where it was headed. They suggested therapy but there’s a fine line I draw with free spirited children needing therapy. He just needs love, he needs to be understood and he thrives differently than the ‘program.’ Why would I want to insinuate to my child that there is something wrong with them when there isn’t? Causing even more confusion. Leading to depression? When their brains are wired differently, their hearts are open and their literal purpose for being here is to change our ways. It’s tough being a parent in today’s time.
I've had the same conversation every year with Teachers.
But I'm like over my ******* dead body is he ever being medicated.
Truthfully, Public school is an daycare so that parents can be good slaves, go out earn money to pay their taxes and debts.
Spirited children don't fit into this which means their 100 year old wrote learning can't be shoveled into them.
In my eyes your sons energy and focus will emerge as he gets older, finds a passion and shoots that energy like a laser beam into the thing that excites him. Likely outperforming others.
I am not a collectivist, very much in favor of individualism and have brought up my children to be polite but put themselves first.
Happy, loving, critical thinkers that are humans not mold fitters.
"My son’s inability to focus in your classroom is not a condition. What’s actually happening is you have conditions he can’t fit into.” this is so well said. thank you so much for sharing this. I will remember this.
Diagnosis and categorisation of conditions are handy ways of not having to connect with the unique individual you are facing. When you put people in boxes they tend to take on the shape of the box. Lets celebrate uniqueness and diversity.
Love how you summarized this. Exactly my point. Self esteem is something that must be protected especially in today’s extremely distracted pace of life.
WHOOOOO! You go, mama. Your son is lucky to have such a strong mama. One time, when my son had an adverse reaction to an MMR vaccine and started having seizures, the neurologist wanted to put him on three drugs. !! Abso freakin lutely not. There was a book in the room we were in. Right in front of her, I bent down to show him the book and I said , "Oh don't worry. See, it's right here in this book! Look at all that energy on that page (it was a kids book about seizures.) Your brain is just too powerful for a minute. But you will grow into it and be able to handle it better. You just have a lot of power. And we walked out. Then she sent me a letter firing me as a patient and told me to never come to her office again. He is fine today, we had a rough 3 months but we worked it out.
I’m sorry to shout but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! Even here on Substack, I find myself still in fear about speaking and owning my truth and you doing that here when there is what I would call an addiction to the ADHD label is oh so brave and courageous and I salute you for it…
My two favourite bits…“My son’s inability to focus in your classroom is not a condition. What’s actually happening is you have conditions he can’t fit into.” I said.
Let’s stop putting everything into a box.”
And this:
“Because it’s going to take a super special person to understand what mental health looks like today in a world that is waking up to their truth, with children that literally CAME HERE to do it, to wake you up.”
It’s that last line. I believe it with all of my heart. What society is labelling and putting in a box, is actually your son’s mission, what he signed up for before entering this planet. Having a mom like you is going to make his journey infinitely lighter, easier and more rewarding.
Truly, truly heartfelt love for your posting this. 🙏🏻✨👏🏻🙌🏻
gosh, this made me think of all the times my teacher said "Jezz is losing concentration after 5min".... Of course I do, its boring crap you talking about 🤣
My son is bored like crazy of the way they teach. He wants to build, take things apart, put them together, see how they work and solve real life problems. Does this sound familiar to you?
Oh yeas! I learn so much better if I able to do things myself. It just stays in my head much better than just listing on someone in front of class teaching something that just a few picks up.
Oh yes I have considered that definitely because yes, when I had my babies, I didn’t know as much as I know now. Two of them suffer asthma and eczema. So yes, this has crossed my mind.
I have always had an issue with docs diagnosing kids with adhd between age 1-18.
And there are subcategories... It is kinda silly. I had trouble learning when I was 9~, and in hindsight I would say it was more like childhood depression (lack of motive, difficulty socializing). I feel like doctors should be careful naming a potential symptom a condition, or confusing the effect with the cause.
I do agree that in general, a lot of psychiatrists focus more on prescribing medication rather than taking the time to work with their patients in terms of exploring as well as managing or resolving what they're going through.
As someone with ADHD, and a daughter with ADHD I think we need to find a happy medium. ADHD for me is a condition. It’s a condition that led to my lights being shut off in my 20s because I would write the checks but forget for months to put them in the mailbox. (I’m obviously dating myself) Always telling myself I would do it when I left the house the next morning.
I have a condition where I need a 3 hour nap after opening Christmas gifts because of all the noise and chaos. Most Christmases I cry because I am so overwhelmed.
Yes, I see the world in a magical way a lot of my peers never did. And I tell my daughter not to let anything dull that same sparkle in her. Yes, there are areas we excel in that won’t be measured in a standardized test.
But for some of, ADHD is a real disability that has caused massive issues in our lives before diagnosis. Our ability to ask ourselves “is this normal or part of my condition?” Makes a huge difference knowing when we ask for help, what aides we need for functions in society that aren’t a negotiable, (like remembering to pay bills and rent) and when the mania of a new project or idea isn’t healthy. (When I haven’t slept or eaten for days because I’m so hyper focused on something)
We also need to recognize that.
There are so many plus sides to having ADHD and parts I wouldn’t want to change for the world. But I also have a condition, and it needs to be looked at as such sometimes.
I agree with you in that it’s a condition when we don’t have the right supports in place or environment supporting us. I do feel that society is too quick to diagnose children with ADHD without first understanding or providing those supports or environment.
I also agree that society has almost no understanding and is too quick. And because they lack understanding the supports can be so hard to get sometimes.
I'm sorry to hear that Courtney. Sending you blessings 🧡
This really nails it for me. As a serious ADHDer with an autistic husband and kid, yes it’s definitely a condition in some sense. And yes maybe it would be less of a condition if we lived in a different time and different society but we don’t. And yes it has amazing sides too, I would never have the drive and patience to make the illustrations I make without ADHD hyperfocus. But it’s still an issue when I have to argue with myself in order to take a shower.
Good for you. Mothers standing up for their children is beautiful.
Thank you so much!!
I think ADHD (and autism) are simply how certain people are wired (including me). There is nothing wrong, we just need to do things differently compared to what society expects or conditions us to do. We were never designed to sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day.
It all comes down to us finding what our specific genius is in this world. We all have a genius within us. When we operate from our genius then everything is as it is meant to be.
We just have to find what works for us. Find ways around what triggers us. Noise for example.
Unfortunately, our school system doesn’t cater for different. Either comply and be the same as everyone else or you’re a problem. It’s been this way for many years.. only recently have people become more aware of ADHD but it’s always been there.
100% everything you said
Oh wow, I couldn't agree more! What helps us ADHDers to focus? Exercise, spending time in nature, massage (I am somewhat convinced we are just meant to be touchy-feely lol) etc. And what are we good at? Problem-solving and high-adrenaline situations. So basically: we are NOT made to sit in an office all day, isolated, doing work a robot could do. That is not weird. That is healthy.
Thank you for your input! I think this is a really important subject and the pressure is becoming greater in my life personally to advocate harder for my kids and speak out more about this, from an earthly and spiritual perspective. 🙏💗
Oh yes. Maybe I should do a podcast about this soon!
Would love to collaborate sometime!
Sure, but not for a while. I'm a little 'overcollaborated' right now haha
I won’t be able to until maybe September/October. All good!
I couldn’t agree more. My son is autistic. When he was in school I literally got on to them all the time. In the public school system they think every child is the same and that’s how they handle things. I had to tell them ideas on how he learns the best( with headphones to drown out the other kids that distracted him) I told them he needed to do his work on the computer not writing (took too long his words) They dont look at kids like individuals and tailoring learning to what they need. They would rather get them to pop a pill. The public school system really doesn’t do a good job with those who need help in whatever way. My son flaps his hands when he is excited. Instead of knowing why he does this I learned they told him to sit on his hands and not to do it. I learned they put a weighted vest on him for absolutely no reason. He hated it..I continually had to ask for things like during lunch he wouldnt eat because it was too loud so I said let him eat in the room with the teacher. They were with my child for how many hrs and they couldnt figure this stuff out. The public school system is just not understanding or knowledgeable with children who need certain things
Bless you and good for you for advocating for your son. We must always discern as parents and our instincts never lie.
So true. Our children are not made for this messed up world. They are free spirits here to humanifest new earth. Don´t let anyone ever diagnose you or your son.
The system is the wrong context for a child to grow up in, the behavior is simply nature way of self-correcting systems that aren´t working for the child.
The schools suggest medication before there is even a diagnosis. I will not unless there is a clear need for something. I'm Audhd, I managed without medication, but did try it briefly (concerta, all but the max dose knocked me out; I still hyperfocused, just longer, I was more paranoid and aggro). I am pretty sensitive to everything else (everything knocks me out, I don't even drink). I worked with a former therapist in tech. A coworker was seeking advice for her kids. He told me if people understood how those medications made kids feel they would never put them on them. I listened. Legal meth for kids is not the answer. Learning how to teach and relate to the children who exist and are wired differently instead of demanding they comply to some "norm" that will only churn out factory workers (15 minute lunches in our district, no music program down most of the Washington State I-5 corridor, but we have one). Teaching for standardized testing. This is boring for "high functioning" kiddos who's minds and passions develop faster than their ability to regulate their bodies.
We experiment with creativity (music, drawing), nature (hikes, beach, mountains) and sleep, and diet (more whole foods, less processed). I'm open to experimenting with natural solutions (caffeine, yerba mate) or CBD if something is needed. In IEP meetings, I will translate how some things feel (crying physically hurting, anxiety freeze response, rejection dysmorphia, communication); because it seems like words on pages that don't mean anything to school administrators (not the specialist staff, they get it).
They didn’t say medication but I knew where it was headed. They suggested therapy but there’s a fine line I draw with free spirited children needing therapy. He just needs love, he needs to be understood and he thrives differently than the ‘program.’ Why would I want to insinuate to my child that there is something wrong with them when there isn’t? Causing even more confusion. Leading to depression? When their brains are wired differently, their hearts are open and their literal purpose for being here is to change our ways. It’s tough being a parent in today’s time.
It sure is, but I’m glad we can support and advocate for each other. 💕
I've had the same conversation every year with Teachers.
But I'm like over my ******* dead body is he ever being medicated.
Truthfully, Public school is an daycare so that parents can be good slaves, go out earn money to pay their taxes and debts.
Spirited children don't fit into this which means their 100 year old wrote learning can't be shoveled into them.
In my eyes your sons energy and focus will emerge as he gets older, finds a passion and shoots that energy like a laser beam into the thing that excites him. Likely outperforming others.
I am not a collectivist, very much in favor of individualism and have brought up my children to be polite but put themselves first.
Happy, loving, critical thinkers that are humans not mold fitters.
Love this, yes. I just see him shining brighter and I will never let the world dim his light.
I love how you stood up for your son
"My son’s inability to focus in your classroom is not a condition. What’s actually happening is you have conditions he can’t fit into.” this is so well said. thank you so much for sharing this. I will remember this.
I’m glad this helps. I appreciate your encouragement and support!
Diagnosis and categorisation of conditions are handy ways of not having to connect with the unique individual you are facing. When you put people in boxes they tend to take on the shape of the box. Lets celebrate uniqueness and diversity.
Love how you summarized this. Exactly my point. Self esteem is something that must be protected especially in today’s extremely distracted pace of life.
WHOOOOO! You go, mama. Your son is lucky to have such a strong mama. One time, when my son had an adverse reaction to an MMR vaccine and started having seizures, the neurologist wanted to put him on three drugs. !! Abso freakin lutely not. There was a book in the room we were in. Right in front of her, I bent down to show him the book and I said , "Oh don't worry. See, it's right here in this book! Look at all that energy on that page (it was a kids book about seizures.) Your brain is just too powerful for a minute. But you will grow into it and be able to handle it better. You just have a lot of power. And we walked out. Then she sent me a letter firing me as a patient and told me to never come to her office again. He is fine today, we had a rough 3 months but we worked it out.
Thank you for your support, I appreciate this. This topic is really motivating me to dive deeper!
I’m sorry to shout but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! Even here on Substack, I find myself still in fear about speaking and owning my truth and you doing that here when there is what I would call an addiction to the ADHD label is oh so brave and courageous and I salute you for it…
My two favourite bits…“My son’s inability to focus in your classroom is not a condition. What’s actually happening is you have conditions he can’t fit into.” I said.
Let’s stop putting everything into a box.”
And this:
“Because it’s going to take a super special person to understand what mental health looks like today in a world that is waking up to their truth, with children that literally CAME HERE to do it, to wake you up.”
It’s that last line. I believe it with all of my heart. What society is labelling and putting in a box, is actually your son’s mission, what he signed up for before entering this planet. Having a mom like you is going to make his journey infinitely lighter, easier and more rewarding.
Truly, truly heartfelt love for your posting this. 🙏🏻✨👏🏻🙌🏻
Oh my goodness, so many chills!! Thank you thank you for your support. Sending you an abundance of love I truly feel you here. Blessings!!! 💗🙏🙏
🥹Bless you so much dear Stephanie. I feel with a Way-shower such as you, very beautiful things await your son’s path, of that I feel certain. ♥️🪄
Funny to think that the Ted talk by Ken Robinson all of those years ago was so bang on the money!
gosh, this made me think of all the times my teacher said "Jezz is losing concentration after 5min".... Of course I do, its boring crap you talking about 🤣
And yes, I have ADHD and ASD myself.
My son is bored like crazy of the way they teach. He wants to build, take things apart, put them together, see how they work and solve real life problems. Does this sound familiar to you?
Oh yeas! I learn so much better if I able to do things myself. It just stays in my head much better than just listing on someone in front of class teaching something that just a few picks up.
I wonder why nobody is mentioning vaccinations and the murderous vaccination schedule in the US regarding ADHD.
Therefore, it's for many not a condition because they are victims of a government out of control.
Maybe that's also the case with you because you might not have known how bad this schedule is for the children.
You’ll go through this!
Oh yes I have considered that definitely because yes, when I had my babies, I didn’t know as much as I know now. Two of them suffer asthma and eczema. So yes, this has crossed my mind.
There is a lot you can do.
Educate yourself about CDS, frequency healing and cleaning out the sh*t if you havn*t done already.
Already working with frequencies but to be honest, since we’ve moved to Mexico, all of it has significantly improved. Curious about CDS.
Yes, Mexico has a better vibe than the US. And you are in Toluca just 60 miles away from the Popocatépetl.
https://andreaskalcker.com/en/
https://www.medalab.com/en/experiencias/
I’m not in Toluca, but I am among many historical sites and mountains.
I have always had an issue with docs diagnosing kids with adhd between age 1-18.
And there are subcategories... It is kinda silly. I had trouble learning when I was 9~, and in hindsight I would say it was more like childhood depression (lack of motive, difficulty socializing). I feel like doctors should be careful naming a potential symptom a condition, or confusing the effect with the cause.
'Give it medication...'
I do agree that in general, a lot of psychiatrists focus more on prescribing medication rather than taking the time to work with their patients in terms of exploring as well as managing or resolving what they're going through.