Love this. Totally agree. Anyone with neurodiversity is likely struggling because of this weird world we have created where we have to behave and say the right things. If someone can't fit into this world where we educate kids to be the next factory fodder generation they are outcast. Not everyone can work 9-5. Not everyone can sit exams. So what? Maybe they have amazing empathy. Maybe their art work is great. Maybe they are just a good person who genuinely wants the best from others. Whatever it is - let's celebrate and support, not try to push everyone to be the same out of the box model human.
My younger son struggled during his school years, and after many meeting with teachers, therapists, school administrators and others, I learned to speak up when they would try and label him "mentally deficient" or "disabled". They were blind to his beautiful, loving heart, his deep inner wisdom and his gentle kindness toward others. It's so easy to lean into labels but those labels are so limited and disempowering. Now that he's an adult, he refers to himself as neurodivergent, and asks for what he needs at work. He processes information at a slower pace than others, and gets overwhelmed easily so he's learned to speak up and request certain accommodations. Fortunately, in his current job, the people there recognize the light he brings into the whole place with his smiles and his openness.
It now seems as though most people I know these days have some level of neurodivergence in that they have high sensitivities or a need for a very specific routine and other "quirkiness". It all speaks to how we're forcing ourselves into unnatural circumstances at school and at work. It's not healthy to sit in a classroom or office for 8 hours a day. We're meant to be creative, connect with nature and each other, not memorize reams of information. All of these labels that separate us and make us different are actually wake-up calls that something drastically needs to change.
I love this story so much, I have chills reading about your son. He’s truly a light in this world! Imagine how boring this world would be if we were all the same. We need the dreamers, creatives and big picture thinkers in it. Blessings to you and your family 🙏💗
Maybe its hidden gift is actually in the Acronym...
ADHD
---> "Attention Dialed in Higher Dimension" --->
and I live by this on a daily basis after understanding what society deems as a disorder can actually be seen and experienced as a great gift of actual "order".
In this time where labels are the acme of "experted-ness" and political and social correctness, we need to push back and say - "go pound sand...my kids is a normal, rambunctious boy. Just because your system has issue dealing with him, doesn't mean he has a problem- your system does."
I'm sure, if I were a 5 year old in first grade today - I'd have a few labels and they probably would try to push my parents into meds. The truth is I was a boy, hated school, would not sit still, had no want to face forward in my seat and held the record for notes home.
I grew out of it and am thankful that at the time, the remedy was not a pill, but a spanking or restriction from playing with friends after school.
Keep fighting the system and make them answer for their lazy "one size fits all", BS.
It’s encouraging to see parents (I have no kids) taking back their agency and stewardship of their children.
Over the last five decades at least, we as a society have become lazy and in many cases apathetic, where the welfare of children is concerned. The state school was an easy, convenient and affordable proxy for parents, but no one really looked below the surface, to see what agendas and ideologies had infiltrated the innocent “little house on the prairie one room school” architype.
I’ve been ranting about this for a bit now. If we are ever to get this country or a moral society back, it will be because parents are engaging and intentionally indoctrinating their children with real truths, principles, morals and faith. However, that can’t happen if the kids are medicated, mutilated and demoralized 8 hours a day.
Mothers have always had the most critical of roles in our societies and on the planet, but that is 100 fold today.
Thanks to you and the other mothers out there for being in the fight!!
I wonder if the edit option is acting up again. About 8 months to a year back, it disappeared for a few weeks, then it was back. Very strange. You may want to try logging out closing the tab or app and the logging back in.
This is why my kids learn from home. In a public school, they'd be labeled and diagnosed as ADHD, but at home, they're just kids. Zero issues focusing because we learn differently than a school would teach. They spend more time outside, pursuing things that interest them.
I was on Ritalin from age 5 to 19. It taught my neurological networks absolutely nothing about how to fire and wire new networks without the stimulant.
"My son’s inability to focus in your classroom is not a condition. What’s actually happening is you have conditions he can’t fit into.” this is so well said. thank you so much for sharing this. I will remember this.
Diagnosis and categorisation of conditions are handy ways of not having to connect with the unique individual you are facing. When you put people in boxes they tend to take on the shape of the box. Lets celebrate uniqueness and diversity.
Love how you summarized this. Exactly my point. Self esteem is something that must be protected especially in today’s extremely distracted pace of life.
I’m sorry to shout but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! Even here on Substack, I find myself still in fear about speaking and owning my truth and you doing that here when there is what I would call an addiction to the ADHD label is oh so brave and courageous and I salute you for it…
My two favourite bits…“My son’s inability to focus in your classroom is not a condition. What’s actually happening is you have conditions he can’t fit into.” I said.
Let’s stop putting everything into a box.”
And this:
“Because it’s going to take a super special person to understand what mental health looks like today in a world that is waking up to their truth, with children that literally CAME HERE to do it, to wake you up.”
It’s that last line. I believe it with all of my heart. What society is labelling and putting in a box, is actually your son’s mission, what he signed up for before entering this planet. Having a mom like you is going to make his journey infinitely lighter, easier and more rewarding.
Truly, truly heartfelt love for your posting this. 🙏🏻✨👏🏻🙌🏻
gosh, this made me think of all the times my teacher said "Jezz is losing concentration after 5min".... Of course I do, its boring crap you talking about 🤣
My son is bored like crazy of the way they teach. He wants to build, take things apart, put them together, see how they work and solve real life problems. Does this sound familiar to you?
Oh yeas! I learn so much better if I able to do things myself. It just stays in my head much better than just listing on someone in front of class teaching something that just a few picks up.
Oh yes I have considered that definitely because yes, when I had my babies, I didn’t know as much as I know now. Two of them suffer asthma and eczema. So yes, this has crossed my mind.
I have always had an issue with docs diagnosing kids with adhd between age 1-18.
And there are subcategories... It is kinda silly. I had trouble learning when I was 9~, and in hindsight I would say it was more like childhood depression (lack of motive, difficulty socializing). I feel like doctors should be careful naming a potential symptom a condition, or confusing the effect with the cause.
I do agree that in general, a lot of psychiatrists focus more on prescribing medication rather than taking the time to work with their patients in terms of exploring as well as managing or resolving what they're going through.
Garbage. My son’s CONDITION is ADHD. The only thing he coukd concentrate on was first person shooter games, running around, and yelling when things didn’t go his way. Who knows he might have bern a great warrior or hunter but he woukd have made life miserable for ANYONE around him. Thank you medication. He is better than before. Yep. I said it, BETTER than before.
I'm glad medication has helped. It sounds like the yelling is an emotional regulation issue and not necessarily associated with ADHD. Emotions are powerful energies within us. I can understand why kids have a hard time regulating them.
I’m happy you found a solution that works for you and your son! Everyone is different. In my case, those are not the issues I am having with my son. In fact, he’s great at home where he can be himself. I only see the issue at school.
Ok, I'm gonna first start by saying I love the comments on this thread and I'm happy to see the support for people with ADHD. Then comes the ugly part when I say I disagree with the main premise of this post. I agree with most of the things you say: ADHD is a gift, the way the world wants to solve everything is not the best and many other wonderful points you make but unfortunately, as someone with ADHD, I do believe it's a condition.
I totally understand where you're coming from though: First off you don't want your kid to be medicated and second, you don't want your kid to be attached to a negative stigma or thought of as "being sick" and being misunderstood for it. I totally get it.
After reading the other comments I'm also aware that you agree that if you don't have the right support it can easily become a condition and of course you consider you're giving your son the support he needs so, for him, it's not a condition.
I totally get the point but there's a few things that concern me. The first one, and it's a big one, is that having ADHD is not just about "not being able to focus". Those people you say "want to fix things without understanding them first" say ADHD is about not being able to focus to put it simply and call it a day, but there's so much more to it.
Those who actually care about understanding ADHD in depth tend to agree that it's quite the opposite: We have TOO much focus but it's usually misplaced and pretty uncontrollable.
It's also important to understand that ADHD is not just about attention or hyperactivity, like most people think, but there's also a huge issue with executive dysfunction, poor impulse control, hypersensitivity, rejection dysphoria, time blindness and a few more things that tend to be less talked about, especially when it comes to ADHD in kids.
This ties in with my second concern and it is related with Adult ADHD. Most of the things I mentioned in the previous paragraph are given less importance in kids with ADHD because when we're kids we mostly rely on our parents to still do many things for us so there might be less opportunities to spot behaviors related to these issues. Also, there's always the ages-old trope justifying what may otherwise be neurodivergent behaviors as "kids being kids", "still being too young" or the supposedly cute "he's just a little clumsy/distracted".
We need to keep in mind that almost 30% of the kids with ADHD turn into adults with ADHD and those things that were manageable or even considered "cute" in our childhood are no longer cute in adulthood. And no, I'm not just talking about the way others perceive these behaviors but how we ourselves, the people with ADHD, cope (or don't) with them.
Unless those seemingly "lesser" aspects of ADHD were addressed properly in our childhood we will suddenly find ourselves thrown into a world where we rely on ourselves to get things done and more often than not we are hit with the harsh reality that we are unable to do it.
Those things that were considered less important when we were younger become the BIGGEST obstacles in adulthood. Heck, to be honest the fact that I can't focus on stuff is the least of my concerns these days. I'm more concerned about things like not being able to pay my bills on time, keeping on top of my house chores or impulse buying stuff I can't afford.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 33 years old. Now that I know more, I can see that I showed all the signs since I was very young but they were completely overlooked because they were just seen as "cute quirks". Unaware of my ADHD, as I grew up I started feeling like I was just a failure. Why couldn't I do the things others could accomplish despite my creativity, intelligence and support from others? I had been masking so hard for 33 years that when it became too much it all exploded in my face.
It was a rude awakening as to how unprepared I was to function properly in the world and I had to unlearn and relearn many things through behavioral therapy. It took 3 years of full-time introspection and self-analysis to begin to understand how my brain was wired and how I had to adapt my surroundings and my routine to actually get things done.
I'm willingly not medicated because I do believe it's not a requirement so if you don't want to get your kid on medication you don't have to, but I do highly recommend behavioral therapy with a specialist in addition to the things you're planning on handling yourself so he can start understanding himself from early on. Whether he becomes an adult with ADHD or not, CBT will be a great tool for him.
Whether you want to consider ADHD a condition or not we can't forget the fact it is a neurological disorder that, if not treated pharmaceutically, at least needs to be addressed in some other way. As important as it is to help your son understand that his differences make him special, it's also necessary to prepare him for a world that, like you clearly state in your post, will not cater to him.
Yes, ADHDers don't need to be fixed. Instead, we need to be understood and made completely aware of our unique way of seeing the world from an early age so we can grow into adults that are fully in tune with their strengths and weaknesses. We need to be made aware that we ARE different from other people but that it is NOT a bad thing.
We need to be given the right tools so we can thrive in a world where we are not the norm and that, in my opinion, requires a specialist who will engage us and help us come up with healthy strategies and mechanisms to prepare us for the challenges that life will throw at us.
I'm painfully aware that finding the right person for the job is not easy, but luckily nowadays more and more people are open to the idea that is not something you should pop a few pills for and call it day so I'm confident you could find a good fit for your son if you decide to try it.
I hope you don't take this as me trying to tell you how to raise your child because it is not my intention but I just wanted to give my two cents (or more like $10 bucks considering how long this comment is, I'm sorry, hahah) as someone with ADHD who grew up thinking they were like everybody else and was raised as if nothing was different.
So much wisdom here, thank you! The main theme though that I notice among everyone’s response to this post is that the world is structured and designed for us to fit into some formula that’s not working. Hopefully this will change, and it’s us, who are bringing the awareness to it, that will lay the foundations for systems to be created where we can thrive
Oh, totally! I'm not sure there is one single formula that would work for everything and everyone and to be honest, I sometimes think the changes needed to make neurodivergent people fit seamlessly into the world are much too great and much too intricate to even be realistic (but I hope time will prove me wrong).
In today's attention-seeking, self-victimizing society many ADHDers are using the fact that ADHD is, in fact, considered a disability of sorts in many places to ask for ridiculous special treatments. Not long ago I came across a short of a girl with ADHD complaining she wasn't being given special accomodations at work after she asked to be allowed to be late. Excuse me, what?! Why should we be allowed to be late for work? We have clocks, phones and watches like everybody else! Sure, we might need to set 700 alarms instead of 2 but we CAN make it work.
This is why I put so much emphasis on how necessary it is for us ADHDers to be AWARE of ourselves. Yes, spreading awareness to other people is just as important as maximizing our self-awareness on the subject and the earlier we start, the better.
We need to be aware of our strong points but also of our limitations. And no, I don't mean being aware of our limitations so that we stop at them, but so that we learn how to find a way around them if we so choose.
Let's say someone with ADHD wants to work in something that is very time-sensitive. If they're aware that they're not good at keeping times there's two options: Some might decide to go for another job that suits them better and some might decide to stick with it but come up with strategies to lessen the negative effects ADHD has on time-awareness. Neither one is better than the other, but the key was to know that you're a person who struggles with time-sensitivity.
The world accommodating to neurodivergent people is just as important as neurodivergents being accommodating to themselves. Ultimately, I believe things will get better in time but, for better or for worse, I think an ADHDer's effort to fit in will always be a big part of it and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Anyways, I'll be following from now on and keeping a watch on this post's comments because they're very interesting! I would love to have the chance to talk to your one day about how I lived my whole life thinking meditation was just not for me but it ended up being one of the biggest game-changers when my ADHD diagnoses came around a few years ago.
I’m so happy you found a solution that worked for you and I definitely think it’s important to consider all avenues, but I don’t like how the world is so quick to slap a label on children who simply express themselves differently or can’t sit for 2 hours straight. It’s got to be difficult for teachers, for sure to find something that works for everyone.
Expecting anyone, kid, adult, ADHD or not to sit still for 2 hours is not only ridiculous, but bad for our health, hahaha so...yes...that kind of stuff definitely needs to be changed! It's the wrong approach.
So true. Our children are not made for this messed up world. They are free spirits here to humanifest new earth. Don´t let anyone ever diagnose you or your son.
The system is the wrong context for a child to grow up in, the behavior is simply nature way of self-correcting systems that aren´t working for the child.
Thanks for sharing this Stephanie, I really resonated with it. I've noticed for a bit now that overdiagnosis seems to be a thing nowadays where the medical system is just looking for a pill to prescribe to "shut people up in a way". I could be wrong but I think ADHD is one of the most over diagnosed things. Even if the diagnosis is true, there are remedies far healthier like Maggie Jon said in one of the comments. Instead of making people feel handicapped because they are going through something, we can empower them to take charge and change themselves for the better. IMO the medical system needs a revamp.
Yes I agree, not even to change themselves but to discover how to thrive, their way and create change in the world. I believe most of the reason why these children experience what medical professionals label as ADHD is because they are not meant to fit into society the way it’s structured. They are meant to change it.
that's beautiful. I was one of those "odd ducks" myself. So was my brother. They told him he had a learning disability in elementary school and would have a hard time in the world. He ended up moving to Australia and now makes 7 figures off a laptop doing what he loves. Some just aren't meant for the system.
Love this. Totally agree. Anyone with neurodiversity is likely struggling because of this weird world we have created where we have to behave and say the right things. If someone can't fit into this world where we educate kids to be the next factory fodder generation they are outcast. Not everyone can work 9-5. Not everyone can sit exams. So what? Maybe they have amazing empathy. Maybe their art work is great. Maybe they are just a good person who genuinely wants the best from others. Whatever it is - let's celebrate and support, not try to push everyone to be the same out of the box model human.
My younger son struggled during his school years, and after many meeting with teachers, therapists, school administrators and others, I learned to speak up when they would try and label him "mentally deficient" or "disabled". They were blind to his beautiful, loving heart, his deep inner wisdom and his gentle kindness toward others. It's so easy to lean into labels but those labels are so limited and disempowering. Now that he's an adult, he refers to himself as neurodivergent, and asks for what he needs at work. He processes information at a slower pace than others, and gets overwhelmed easily so he's learned to speak up and request certain accommodations. Fortunately, in his current job, the people there recognize the light he brings into the whole place with his smiles and his openness.
It now seems as though most people I know these days have some level of neurodivergence in that they have high sensitivities or a need for a very specific routine and other "quirkiness". It all speaks to how we're forcing ourselves into unnatural circumstances at school and at work. It's not healthy to sit in a classroom or office for 8 hours a day. We're meant to be creative, connect with nature and each other, not memorize reams of information. All of these labels that separate us and make us different are actually wake-up calls that something drastically needs to change.
I love this story so much, I have chills reading about your son. He’s truly a light in this world! Imagine how boring this world would be if we were all the same. We need the dreamers, creatives and big picture thinkers in it. Blessings to you and your family 🙏💗
Maybe its hidden gift is actually in the Acronym...
ADHD
---> "Attention Dialed in Higher Dimension" --->
and I live by this on a daily basis after understanding what society deems as a disorder can actually be seen and experienced as a great gift of actual "order".
Well done!
In this time where labels are the acme of "experted-ness" and political and social correctness, we need to push back and say - "go pound sand...my kids is a normal, rambunctious boy. Just because your system has issue dealing with him, doesn't mean he has a problem- your system does."
I'm sure, if I were a 5 year old in first grade today - I'd have a few labels and they probably would try to push my parents into meds. The truth is I was a boy, hated school, would not sit still, had no want to face forward in my seat and held the record for notes home.
I grew out of it and am thankful that at the time, the remedy was not a pill, but a spanking or restriction from playing with friends after school.
Keep fighting the system and make them answer for their lazy "one size fits all", BS.
Thank you, this is so encouraging. Exactly that, the way you described myself is my boy.
It’s encouraging to see parents (I have no kids) taking back their agency and stewardship of their children.
Over the last five decades at least, we as a society have become lazy and in many cases apathetic, where the welfare of children is concerned. The state school was an easy, convenient and affordable proxy for parents, but no one really looked below the surface, to see what agendas and ideologies had infiltrated the innocent “little house on the prairie one room school” architype.
I’ve been ranting about this for a bit now. If we are ever to get this country or a moral society back, it will be because parents are engaging and intentionally indoctrinating their children with real truths, principles, morals and faith. However, that can’t happen if the kids are medicated, mutilated and demoralized 8 hours a day.
Mothers have always had the most critical of roles in our societies and on the planet, but that is 100 fold today.
Thanks to you and the other mothers out there for being in the fight!!
Thank you so much!
The way you described yourself. Why can’t I edit my comment?!
I wonder if the edit option is acting up again. About 8 months to a year back, it disappeared for a few weeks, then it was back. Very strange. You may want to try logging out closing the tab or app and the logging back in.
This is why my kids learn from home. In a public school, they'd be labeled and diagnosed as ADHD, but at home, they're just kids. Zero issues focusing because we learn differently than a school would teach. They spend more time outside, pursuing things that interest them.
I was on Ritalin from age 5 to 19. It taught my neurological networks absolutely nothing about how to fire and wire new networks without the stimulant.
I love how you stood up for your son
"My son’s inability to focus in your classroom is not a condition. What’s actually happening is you have conditions he can’t fit into.” this is so well said. thank you so much for sharing this. I will remember this.
I’m glad this helps. I appreciate your encouragement and support!
Diagnosis and categorisation of conditions are handy ways of not having to connect with the unique individual you are facing. When you put people in boxes they tend to take on the shape of the box. Lets celebrate uniqueness and diversity.
Love how you summarized this. Exactly my point. Self esteem is something that must be protected especially in today’s extremely distracted pace of life.
I’m sorry to shout but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! Even here on Substack, I find myself still in fear about speaking and owning my truth and you doing that here when there is what I would call an addiction to the ADHD label is oh so brave and courageous and I salute you for it…
My two favourite bits…“My son’s inability to focus in your classroom is not a condition. What’s actually happening is you have conditions he can’t fit into.” I said.
Let’s stop putting everything into a box.”
And this:
“Because it’s going to take a super special person to understand what mental health looks like today in a world that is waking up to their truth, with children that literally CAME HERE to do it, to wake you up.”
It’s that last line. I believe it with all of my heart. What society is labelling and putting in a box, is actually your son’s mission, what he signed up for before entering this planet. Having a mom like you is going to make his journey infinitely lighter, easier and more rewarding.
Truly, truly heartfelt love for your posting this. 🙏🏻✨👏🏻🙌🏻
Oh my goodness, so many chills!! Thank you thank you for your support. Sending you an abundance of love I truly feel you here. Blessings!!! 💗🙏🙏
🥹Bless you so much dear Stephanie. I feel with a Way-shower such as you, very beautiful things await your son’s path, of that I feel certain. ♥️🪄
Funny to think that the Ted talk by Ken Robinson all of those years ago was so bang on the money!
gosh, this made me think of all the times my teacher said "Jezz is losing concentration after 5min".... Of course I do, its boring crap you talking about 🤣
And yes, I have ADHD and ASD myself.
My son is bored like crazy of the way they teach. He wants to build, take things apart, put them together, see how they work and solve real life problems. Does this sound familiar to you?
Oh yeas! I learn so much better if I able to do things myself. It just stays in my head much better than just listing on someone in front of class teaching something that just a few picks up.
I wonder why nobody is mentioning vaccinations and the murderous vaccination schedule in the US regarding ADHD.
Therefore, it's for many not a condition because they are victims of a government out of control.
Maybe that's also the case with you because you might not have known how bad this schedule is for the children.
You’ll go through this!
Oh yes I have considered that definitely because yes, when I had my babies, I didn’t know as much as I know now. Two of them suffer asthma and eczema. So yes, this has crossed my mind.
There is a lot you can do.
Educate yourself about CDS, frequency healing and cleaning out the sh*t if you havn*t done already.
Already working with frequencies but to be honest, since we’ve moved to Mexico, all of it has significantly improved. Curious about CDS.
Yes, Mexico has a better vibe than the US. And you are in Toluca just 60 miles away from the Popocatépetl.
https://andreaskalcker.com/en/
https://www.medalab.com/en/experiencias/
I’m not in Toluca, but I am among many historical sites and mountains.
I have always had an issue with docs diagnosing kids with adhd between age 1-18.
And there are subcategories... It is kinda silly. I had trouble learning when I was 9~, and in hindsight I would say it was more like childhood depression (lack of motive, difficulty socializing). I feel like doctors should be careful naming a potential symptom a condition, or confusing the effect with the cause.
'Give it medication...'
I do agree that in general, a lot of psychiatrists focus more on prescribing medication rather than taking the time to work with their patients in terms of exploring as well as managing or resolving what they're going through.
Garbage. My son’s CONDITION is ADHD. The only thing he coukd concentrate on was first person shooter games, running around, and yelling when things didn’t go his way. Who knows he might have bern a great warrior or hunter but he woukd have made life miserable for ANYONE around him. Thank you medication. He is better than before. Yep. I said it, BETTER than before.
I'm glad medication has helped. It sounds like the yelling is an emotional regulation issue and not necessarily associated with ADHD. Emotions are powerful energies within us. I can understand why kids have a hard time regulating them.
I’m happy you found a solution that works for you and your son! Everyone is different. In my case, those are not the issues I am having with my son. In fact, he’s great at home where he can be himself. I only see the issue at school.
Ok, I'm gonna first start by saying I love the comments on this thread and I'm happy to see the support for people with ADHD. Then comes the ugly part when I say I disagree with the main premise of this post. I agree with most of the things you say: ADHD is a gift, the way the world wants to solve everything is not the best and many other wonderful points you make but unfortunately, as someone with ADHD, I do believe it's a condition.
I totally understand where you're coming from though: First off you don't want your kid to be medicated and second, you don't want your kid to be attached to a negative stigma or thought of as "being sick" and being misunderstood for it. I totally get it.
After reading the other comments I'm also aware that you agree that if you don't have the right support it can easily become a condition and of course you consider you're giving your son the support he needs so, for him, it's not a condition.
I totally get the point but there's a few things that concern me. The first one, and it's a big one, is that having ADHD is not just about "not being able to focus". Those people you say "want to fix things without understanding them first" say ADHD is about not being able to focus to put it simply and call it a day, but there's so much more to it.
Those who actually care about understanding ADHD in depth tend to agree that it's quite the opposite: We have TOO much focus but it's usually misplaced and pretty uncontrollable.
It's also important to understand that ADHD is not just about attention or hyperactivity, like most people think, but there's also a huge issue with executive dysfunction, poor impulse control, hypersensitivity, rejection dysphoria, time blindness and a few more things that tend to be less talked about, especially when it comes to ADHD in kids.
This ties in with my second concern and it is related with Adult ADHD. Most of the things I mentioned in the previous paragraph are given less importance in kids with ADHD because when we're kids we mostly rely on our parents to still do many things for us so there might be less opportunities to spot behaviors related to these issues. Also, there's always the ages-old trope justifying what may otherwise be neurodivergent behaviors as "kids being kids", "still being too young" or the supposedly cute "he's just a little clumsy/distracted".
We need to keep in mind that almost 30% of the kids with ADHD turn into adults with ADHD and those things that were manageable or even considered "cute" in our childhood are no longer cute in adulthood. And no, I'm not just talking about the way others perceive these behaviors but how we ourselves, the people with ADHD, cope (or don't) with them.
Unless those seemingly "lesser" aspects of ADHD were addressed properly in our childhood we will suddenly find ourselves thrown into a world where we rely on ourselves to get things done and more often than not we are hit with the harsh reality that we are unable to do it.
Those things that were considered less important when we were younger become the BIGGEST obstacles in adulthood. Heck, to be honest the fact that I can't focus on stuff is the least of my concerns these days. I'm more concerned about things like not being able to pay my bills on time, keeping on top of my house chores or impulse buying stuff I can't afford.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 33 years old. Now that I know more, I can see that I showed all the signs since I was very young but they were completely overlooked because they were just seen as "cute quirks". Unaware of my ADHD, as I grew up I started feeling like I was just a failure. Why couldn't I do the things others could accomplish despite my creativity, intelligence and support from others? I had been masking so hard for 33 years that when it became too much it all exploded in my face.
It was a rude awakening as to how unprepared I was to function properly in the world and I had to unlearn and relearn many things through behavioral therapy. It took 3 years of full-time introspection and self-analysis to begin to understand how my brain was wired and how I had to adapt my surroundings and my routine to actually get things done.
I'm willingly not medicated because I do believe it's not a requirement so if you don't want to get your kid on medication you don't have to, but I do highly recommend behavioral therapy with a specialist in addition to the things you're planning on handling yourself so he can start understanding himself from early on. Whether he becomes an adult with ADHD or not, CBT will be a great tool for him.
Whether you want to consider ADHD a condition or not we can't forget the fact it is a neurological disorder that, if not treated pharmaceutically, at least needs to be addressed in some other way. As important as it is to help your son understand that his differences make him special, it's also necessary to prepare him for a world that, like you clearly state in your post, will not cater to him.
Yes, ADHDers don't need to be fixed. Instead, we need to be understood and made completely aware of our unique way of seeing the world from an early age so we can grow into adults that are fully in tune with their strengths and weaknesses. We need to be made aware that we ARE different from other people but that it is NOT a bad thing.
We need to be given the right tools so we can thrive in a world where we are not the norm and that, in my opinion, requires a specialist who will engage us and help us come up with healthy strategies and mechanisms to prepare us for the challenges that life will throw at us.
I'm painfully aware that finding the right person for the job is not easy, but luckily nowadays more and more people are open to the idea that is not something you should pop a few pills for and call it day so I'm confident you could find a good fit for your son if you decide to try it.
I hope you don't take this as me trying to tell you how to raise your child because it is not my intention but I just wanted to give my two cents (or more like $10 bucks considering how long this comment is, I'm sorry, hahah) as someone with ADHD who grew up thinking they were like everybody else and was raised as if nothing was different.
Best of luck and sending love!
So much wisdom here, thank you! The main theme though that I notice among everyone’s response to this post is that the world is structured and designed for us to fit into some formula that’s not working. Hopefully this will change, and it’s us, who are bringing the awareness to it, that will lay the foundations for systems to be created where we can thrive
Oh, totally! I'm not sure there is one single formula that would work for everything and everyone and to be honest, I sometimes think the changes needed to make neurodivergent people fit seamlessly into the world are much too great and much too intricate to even be realistic (but I hope time will prove me wrong).
In today's attention-seeking, self-victimizing society many ADHDers are using the fact that ADHD is, in fact, considered a disability of sorts in many places to ask for ridiculous special treatments. Not long ago I came across a short of a girl with ADHD complaining she wasn't being given special accomodations at work after she asked to be allowed to be late. Excuse me, what?! Why should we be allowed to be late for work? We have clocks, phones and watches like everybody else! Sure, we might need to set 700 alarms instead of 2 but we CAN make it work.
This is why I put so much emphasis on how necessary it is for us ADHDers to be AWARE of ourselves. Yes, spreading awareness to other people is just as important as maximizing our self-awareness on the subject and the earlier we start, the better.
We need to be aware of our strong points but also of our limitations. And no, I don't mean being aware of our limitations so that we stop at them, but so that we learn how to find a way around them if we so choose.
Let's say someone with ADHD wants to work in something that is very time-sensitive. If they're aware that they're not good at keeping times there's two options: Some might decide to go for another job that suits them better and some might decide to stick with it but come up with strategies to lessen the negative effects ADHD has on time-awareness. Neither one is better than the other, but the key was to know that you're a person who struggles with time-sensitivity.
The world accommodating to neurodivergent people is just as important as neurodivergents being accommodating to themselves. Ultimately, I believe things will get better in time but, for better or for worse, I think an ADHDer's effort to fit in will always be a big part of it and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Anyways, I'll be following from now on and keeping a watch on this post's comments because they're very interesting! I would love to have the chance to talk to your one day about how I lived my whole life thinking meditation was just not for me but it ended up being one of the biggest game-changers when my ADHD diagnoses came around a few years ago.
Have a great one, Stephanie!
I’m so happy you found a solution that worked for you and I definitely think it’s important to consider all avenues, but I don’t like how the world is so quick to slap a label on children who simply express themselves differently or can’t sit for 2 hours straight. It’s got to be difficult for teachers, for sure to find something that works for everyone.
Expecting anyone, kid, adult, ADHD or not to sit still for 2 hours is not only ridiculous, but bad for our health, hahaha so...yes...that kind of stuff definitely needs to be changed! It's the wrong approach.
So true. Our children are not made for this messed up world. They are free spirits here to humanifest new earth. Don´t let anyone ever diagnose you or your son.
The system is the wrong context for a child to grow up in, the behavior is simply nature way of self-correcting systems that aren´t working for the child.
Thanks for sharing this Stephanie, I really resonated with it. I've noticed for a bit now that overdiagnosis seems to be a thing nowadays where the medical system is just looking for a pill to prescribe to "shut people up in a way". I could be wrong but I think ADHD is one of the most over diagnosed things. Even if the diagnosis is true, there are remedies far healthier like Maggie Jon said in one of the comments. Instead of making people feel handicapped because they are going through something, we can empower them to take charge and change themselves for the better. IMO the medical system needs a revamp.
Yes I agree, not even to change themselves but to discover how to thrive, their way and create change in the world. I believe most of the reason why these children experience what medical professionals label as ADHD is because they are not meant to fit into society the way it’s structured. They are meant to change it.
that's beautiful. I was one of those "odd ducks" myself. So was my brother. They told him he had a learning disability in elementary school and would have a hard time in the world. He ended up moving to Australia and now makes 7 figures off a laptop doing what he loves. Some just aren't meant for the system.