The Cost of Sacrificial Service

Want to get off the people pleasing train?

Photo by James Forbes on Unsplash

For so long, I was under the impression that I had to do everything to be something. As an introverted, social extrovert, I equated my value to how much I accomplished, usually for other people, at the expense of my peace and solitude.

Even in motherhood, I notice it all the time. I have to cook dinner or no one will eat. I have to clean this mess or no one else will. I have to, I have to….

I went out Saturday night and wasn’t feeling well Sunday morning (one too many cocktails, maybe). It was an incredibly good time, one that I have not had in a long while. But I had friends expecting another evening of food and drinks on Sunday evening… and I knew my body needed rest and recovery.

So I canceled. Unapologetically.

I was surprised when they responded with stonewalling. Then after 24 hours explained they were upset with me.

And I realized in this moment that I have finally broken free from the habit of people pleasing (except for the motherhood thing, I’m still trying to figure that out, haha!)

Have you ever felt like you had to say yes to make people happy even though your whole body wanted you to say no?

Photo by Isi Parente on Unsplash

The old me would have said “I’m sorry” a million times. I would have begged for forgiveness and made plans to host an elaborate dinner with free-flowing wine and snacks to make up for their obvious disappointment.

But… no. Not anymore. Not this new version of me.

I know what I want and what I need and I choose to support the version of myself that I am stepping into.

SAY IT WITH ME.

“I will not be a SELF-SACRIFICIAL server.”

There’s a difference between serving selflessly and serving sacrificially. In the latter, we are essentially serving selfishly, because it’s not authentic.

I love to serve. But not at the expense of my peace, and not simply to keep the peace either. I am a big fan now of letting people know that I am in my element, and no one gets to stomp on in and demand I cater to them.

I, and you, must do you first. Always. Put yourself first.

People pleasing is soul-sucking. Let’s not people please to keep the peace. Let’s serve from the goodness of our hearts because IT FEELS GOOD.

Let’s clearly set our boundaries, let’s clearly communicate that we are separate individuals on separate journies with separate needs.

That is sovereignty.

I am not talking about Sunday night’s canceled dinner anymore. I am talking about LIFE. When we are constantly sacrificing our needs to serve others, then we are pouring from an empty cup.

We become resentful.

We can’t serve others powerfully when we are filled with resentment and burnt out from trying to keep up with everyone else’s expectations. It’s exhausting…

And I did that for so long.

For that reason, I keep my circle small. If people don’t like it, I don’t expect them to stick around.

Let’s not get attached to outcomes either.

The days of sacrificial service are over… it’s time to stand in your power, craft your reality, and stay focused on your goals. Everything will try to stand in your way. And that my love….

is when you find your voice and your power.

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